L Ronis, where is my husband??

Last night, Elysha and I ventured out to a reception held by a New York Matchmaker (who is fabulous, by the way). And I tried to bring my online game into the real world. Result? Epic Fail. I may have mad online game, but in the real world...not so much.

Elysha, on the other hand, started talking up this very tall man from Wales. I decided to capitalize on her skillz and went up to start talking to Steven-from-Wales' friend, Tony. First thing I noticed about Tony was his big ears. We had a pleasant enough conversation though, I think. After a few minutes he says, "I'm going to ask you out, and I'd like to tell you why."
....OK
"I feel like you have a lot of opinions, and we could really go back and forth in a dialogue"
Mind you, I'm wearing heels and trying not to spill my sake martini at this point. I laughed nervously and said something to the tune of "well, yes, I certainly am opinionated", and tried to move on from that moment. NOTE: this was not a great pick-up line. Maybe don't tell someone why you are asking for their number. I would have rather he told me I was gorgeous, or funny...not opinionated. But I shouldn't really be surprised.

So he and I keep talking, and I get a text message, which I respond to. Big mistake. I'm talking to him while texting a very short message (we are talkin like five words here) and Tony says, "You know, I'm going to be honest with you here, I really don't approve of this"
I looked at him, slightly befuddled.
"The whole texting-while-talking thing. I need you to be paying attention to me. So, just let me know when you're done"
I'm done at this point, since it was a five-word text. So I told him so, and tried to salvage the conversation with something else. Meanwhile, I get another text. I feel it vibrate against my rib cage and contemplate how I'm going to handle the situation. I tell Tony I have another text, so I'll just be a minute...
"You know, I feel like you really didn't appreciate my comment"
I kind of smirk and say dryly, "No, it's good to be upfront about...these things"
At which point he tells me he has to go mingle. I suggest he do just that. Why I felt validated in getting upset about him getting upset with me for rudely answering a text while we were talking? Only the sake martini can say.

So Elysha is still talking to Steve-from-Wales when his bald friend comes storming up to introduce himself to me. I get to touch his head and am thinking that he is pretty cute despite the lack of hair when a chubby little man intrudes to say "dude, this fat ugly chick just tried to ask me what's up. I was like uhhh, sorry, I'm near-sighted. She asked me if that meant I could see things that were far away [insert laugh of disbelief] and I said no, I could only see things from up close, and she looked better from far away". I actually find this hilarious, and laugh out loud at his sheer ludicrousness. Then he turns to me and asks me what my favorite position is. Being the asshole that I am, just to throw him off I tell him it depends on the penis size. NOTE: obscene men are rarely thrown off by a girl with a dirty mouth. Might be best just to pretend to be unnerved and blush in the future. So then he positions himself between the bald guy and me and says "I would so make out with you right now". I tell him that isn't going to happen so he should probably just give up immediately. NOTE: Next time I shouldn't humor the goofball when I might be interested in his friend. Bald guy didn't come back after his friend intervened.

Then they all went to get steaks. At 11pm. Dating is hard.